dinner

I think this will be the last of the day since I'm posting in quick succession and I have an exam tomorrow and the day after to revise for.

It's about 8pm right now so dinner was just a couple of hours ago. So because I am on study leave right now I have spent the day at home. I woke up at midday today because I stayed up till 5:30 in the morning to watch a bad TV show on netflix last night - I will definitely be revisiting both topics at some point. So I woke up, ate breakfast and went back to my room to work, but I felt too sleepy so I put on a movie and went to sleep. I woke up again 5 hours later and starving but it was only me and my older home. Lets just say that I'm not exactly on speaking terms with my older brother. Originally I wrote in detail about my adventures of forging for food but I've decided that people don't care enough for that level of dinner. Basically, I spent the next hour and half in front of the TV with a packet of croutons. Then I ate my not so nice oven dinner and some of my mums dinner. This point is the purpose of this post but it just took a while to get here.

So I'm sitting at the coffee table with my mum and older brother eating and my little brother is on the sofa behind watching TV when he comments on the back of my tshirt. I've spent the day in my pajamas and the tshirt I'm wearing is the leavers on I got from year 6. First he asks about the mysterious 'CJ' whom I cannot remember from the other class then starts the 20 minutes of abuse I've come to expect. 'Your shirt has no signatures, shows how popular you were' He knows very well that they were all washed off my well meaning aunt. 'Yeah that's your excuse' 'There are loads of hot girls in the year above, if you were still at school here I could go out with them' To which I respond with a snort and 'in your dreams'. My older brother adds that considering how bad a person he was to his friends when he was still at that school that wouldn't work out but it's ok how much of a, and I quote 'd-bag', he is now since at that age my older brother was worse. No, that is not good advice, what are you thinking? Next comes the 'you only have two friends' and 'both your friends are massive and fat and ugly and look like men' from my little brother. This really really annoys me and is massively unfair and just downright offensive. I have never, to that level, been mean about his friends and he has also only ever brought home 2 or 3 different friends. For that matter I've had 5 or 6 including my ex and a girl I didn't like that much and do not speak to now. He goes on to insult the fact that one of my friends has ginger hair (which I am not saying offensively but he was). My friends are a lot taller than me since I am petite at 5ft 2.5" and they are 5ft 8" and 5ft 10" I think. And somehow that is also a bad thing. Lastly he rounds off with a 'she's broken her door because she slams her door so much' to my mum although she already knows that it's been broken for a while. By this point I have become annoyed and irritated enough to walk off telling him to **** off even though technically swearing is not allowed in our house but I've done it enough that my mum has stopped telling me off for it.

I know we are supposed to love our family etc. But both my brothers and my father have such horrible personalities I don't honestly think that I would be friends with them or talk to them more than once if we weren't related. And considering that I am not on speaking terms with my older brother and father and I can't spend more than 10 minutes with my little brother that doesn't seem to be too far off. I mean, all that came from nothing, it always happens like that, we'll be in a room together and for no reason than he is bored, my little brother will start insulting me. How can I love or even tolerate a person like that?