I woke up and then a realisation hit me: in a matter of days, I'll be I'm Sixth Form and I'm already 16. For those of you that don't know, Sixth Form is the last two years of school before university where you take A level qualifications, since the law has changed with compulsory schooling until 17 there have been a lot more options offered, people can choose college where you don't have the structure of a school day and only go to lessons 3 days a week, you are also offered a wider range of subjects and qualifications that sixth forms may not. The last option is an apprenticeship, the government has allocated some money to be used to fund apprenticeships and offer more so that 16 year olds can choose a job that they want to pursue for the future. The way I understand it an apprenticeship is like learning on the job an you are paid, but not very much. Apprenticeships tend to be for hands on jobs that require more practice than theory for example plumbing.
So the realisation, I get these quite a lot and they always make me quite nervous and worried. I mean, Sixth Form is where I do my A Levels, and I have always seen Sixth Forms as one of my first goals. Also, the grades I get these next two years will affect the REST OF MY LIFE. Universities offer you a conditional place based on these grades and employers will look at them too, they probably don't care too much if you have a degree etc. but I don't know. Things have actually gotten serious now and that's scary. I mean my GCSEs last year were the first big exam thing I had to do and they are important since they are the key to good A levels (good GCSEs help you get into a good Sixth Form and the top schools ask for certain grades at GCSE to take them at A level and A levels get you into university which gets you a job) but it didn't feel this scary since I started the courses in Year 9 when I was 13, also I'd been at the school for 2 years before that and I only turned 16 at the start of summer near the end of exams. I can explain, but 16 is the first milestone birthday and in a year I'll be able to drive. All of this is so overwhelming and today seems to be one of those 'wow, time has gone by so quickly' moods and I'm just realising that I'm almost all grown up. It was also probably because Taylor Swift's Fifteen was playing when I woke up (I left my playlist on the help me sleep so when I fell asleep obviously I couldn't turn it off) and that song talks a bit about growing up.
I've always been so excited about Sixth Form, they are the oldest people in the school and you only take 4 or 5 for me, subjects so I can finally drop English! And it's mixed (I went to all girls for the last 5 years). But now I'm there I can't believe it, I don't even feel like a year 11. Well I do and I don't b I definitely don't feel like a Sixth Former or Year 12. Plus, I'm moving to a new school so I'm also a bit worried about making friends, it took me until the third year of secondary school to meet my now best friends and about 5 years in primary school to make good friends. I only have two years at this school then I'm off to university. That's another thing, before, university similar to Sixth Form, was this far off dream, I knew I'd get there someday but someday in a very long time so I have plenty of time to be irresponsible and young and dependent on my mum. But now it feels like I'm growing up so quickly and I simultaneously want to press pause and fast forward. I'm sure that both Sixth Form and university will be amazing and I'll learn a lot but this is where it gets serious and I'm not ready for that yet, I like having zero responsibilities, being able to live in a house, eat and spend money without needing a job to fund that.
Unlike usual, my anxieties haven't really faded or dissipated. I am excited but at the same time I don't want to grow up. I didn't really get this these last 5 years since I was miserable for the first two years at school when I made friends with the wrong girl who was mean to me then until the beginning of the last school year I was miserable about my home situation and focused on getting out (finishing school with good grades not running away and dropping out) then the beginning of this school year, from about the end of September to the end of March I was dealing with the fallout from my home stuff and didn't have time to think about anything else not even schoolwork that much, then after that I had to catch up anything I hadn't paid attention to or done in those 6 months then I had exams in May so before that was also preparation and revision even though in the end I did less than the bare minimum and probably don't deserve the grades I got. The last time I remember feeling like this was on the last day of Year 6. I'd finally made some good friends and was really happy and we had no responsibilities. I remember feeling at times that I wish I were still 7 and not 11 so I didn't have to move on and I knew less and understood less when I was younger so it was like I lived wrapped in cotton or something, s world seemed safe and harmless from the view of seven year old me.
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